Confessions of the Heartless
by belletrixie
Summary: DEDICATED TO NATSTERSUGARRUSH!LMNM futureHPDM Narcissa is twisted...or is she?well guess what?she may be.or she may not be. AND she can turn others too. the time comes 4 Slytherin to show that they are really more than mean and evil. just never cute.
1. Ponderings

_**Chapter 1-Narcissa's POV**_

The look in his cold silver eyes was what I first saw when I looked at the boy on the train. I knew immediately that he was a Malfoy, with his white- blond hair and his aristocratically long fingers, the way his expensive robes draped to his feet. He looked nothing like a first year should have, and that was enough to make me give him a second glance, much to the disapproval of Sirius, my cousin.

Never would I have dreamed what this man would bring to me in the following years. Not when he introduced himself as Lucius Malfoy, son of Xavilliar Malfoy, could I bring myself to see him bow to anyone, to cower beneath anyone. But cower he does now, beneath the Dark Lords feet, kissing the filthy robes of a dirty mudblood.

And I took his hand then; or rather he took mine and kissed it when I said I was Narcissa Black in my proud regal voice. I cannot describe the shivers that ran through me at his touch. When I sat perched by the windowsill on the train I listened to Lucius and Sirius argue, the shame I felt then when Sirius questioned Mother's beliefs.

But now I question it. I question the day my cousin left the Noble House of Black; I question whether it was really HE who brought shame to my family.  
  
Now the Dark Lord resides in my home, eats from the food made by my house elves, and fucks my love till he lies crumpled beneath his feet. A pureblood at the mercy of a mudblood. Lucius cries out at the touch of his monstrous fingers, but still I feel love for him.

Why? I ask myself in the darkness of my room, hidden deep away in the Manor in the night. My mind brings back the memories of 5th year, when Lucius loved me like no other, how he twirled me beneath the mistletoe and the students of Hogwarts were awed that a Malfoy could smile. I wonder what happened to our love. When did Lucius slip into bed careful not to touch me, when did he tell me not to care?

On my finger, is a silver band, forged during the Binding Spell cast at my marriage. Though darkness surrounds me now, the band still shines silver, the color of his eyes that now cease to give me a second glance.  
  
The world is all about how you look at someone. I cannot bring to tell you how I regret the way I glared at Sirius when he spat at Mother's feet, renouncing our name and everything the family had ever believed him. How he cursed the name of the Blacks and the ways of Slytherins. Even as the fire of a wand was aimed at his name on the family tree, my heart turned blacker. Then I was foolish, I believed our name lasted forever, but as his name burnt some part of my heart wondered if he was right. And that part of my heart has grown throughout the years. Now I do not deserve to speak his name, it should have been I in his place. It should have been I who died. Does Bellatrix feel no remorse for laughing as Sirius' body arched as he fell through the curtain?  
  
The tides are changing, I can feel it trough my blood, but still my love for Lucius does not waver. And I am weak.  
  
"Narcissa!" Lucius' voice wakes me from my thoughts, "Our Lord wishes to speak to you. I cannot imagine why."

His voice betrays how weak he thinks I am, and I believe him.

"Of course." I rise gracefully from the silk bed, setting the diary down on the dresser, not forgetting to put a Locking charm on it. I see him stare at it suspiciously as I walk out the bedroom door without a second glance at him. He follows at a distance, I can hear his light footsteps through my elvish ears.

Lord Voldemort is waiting in a black leather chair in one of the many grand sitting rooms. Several Death eaters stand by the walls around him, Draco leans casually against the left wall as I walk in. He scarcely looks at me, his eyes fixed on the Dark lord.

"Ah Narcissa! We've been waiting for you my dear." Voldemort purrs. I surpress a shudder. "Such loyalty you hold for your husband, will you not entertain his guests?"

I stare at him, wondering what the fuck he means. I almost sigh in relief when he hands me a shinning silver flute. "Why don't you play us a couple songs, while I pleasure myself with your son?"

My eyes widen involuntarily but I take the flute with shuddering hands. I told you I am weak. My elegant fingers drape delicately over the keys of the silver instrument. Perfectly manicured nails drift quickly over the metal. The high voice sores through the closed room.  
  
Draco rocks sexually in Voldemort's lap, rocking his pelvis, grinding himself into the monster. His face is contorted with pleasure.  
  
My fingers fly even faster, taking out all my pain and anger on the poor instrument. A high B splinters in agony. Voldemort grabs my son into a brutal kiss, erupting in moans from the men in the room. A noise from my husband I haven't brought since Draco's birth.  
  
I can't take it anymore, tears are dripping down my face as my fingers slow, no louder taking the shaking of my body.  
  
Voldemort changes patterns, biting down on my son's neck, causing blood to flow from his pale flesh. He moans and more tears fall from my bleu eyes.  
  
I can't bear it anymore and I stop, drop the instrument in heartbreak. The metal hits the floor in a clanging dong before Voldemort turns on me a flying rage.  
  
"_Crucio_!" I wither in pain, collapsing on the ground in agony. Distantly I take in the flash of anger on Lucius' face before I shut my eyes, begging the curse to stop.  
  
"Let that teach you a lesson," Voldermort says when he lifts the curse, "Do not defy me, now go!"

Numb with pain I stumble from the room and make my way up to my chambers.


	2. chapter 2

**_Chapter 2-Narcissa's POV_**

**__**

Pain, pain and darkness...If you had told me that was what Lucius Malfoy would bring love to in my 5th year I would have sent you to St Mungo's. I was so happy then, my blue eyes so filled with life as I raced my best friend through the halls.

Lily...Lily Evans, I have not thought of her in years. Since her death in Godric's Hollow, I have pushed her to the farthest place in my thoughts. But now...her pale skin, her fiery auburn hair and her sparking green eyes replace Lucius in my mind. How could I have turned away from her because she loved a Potter? Yet she still named me godmother to Harry. Harry who I have only seen once, at the Quiddich World Cup last year. Harry who Draco constantly curses for existing. Harry...my godson.  
  
"Narcissa" the cold drawl of Lucius makes me look up again.

He sits down on the bed and Draco stands leaning against the door. He picks up my diary, tracing a pale hand over the cover. "When did you start hiding things from me, my wife? Why will you not let me look at this?"

I averted my gaze, unable to look at him in eyes. _You are weak, weak_, the work echoed in my head. No I will not be weak this time. I looked him strait in the eyes when I answered.  
  
"Since my loyalties stopped lying where yours do, since you stopped loving me." I stood up and wrenched the diary from his grasp and rose from the bed.

Lucius visibly started at my words. "How dare you defy me? The Dark Lord is almighty, he will kill you."

"You are my husband, not my ruler. And I do not plan on letting a mubdblood kill me Lucius." I then turned to Draco,

"So you have made your choice, and I will make mine. Give me time and I may come around but not now. Leave please." I said with a coldness that surprised even me, and they both left sharing glances.  
  
The next day when Lucius and Draco entered my rooms, they did not find me there. Instead they saw on the gray stone walls and message written in blood:  
  
_I have made my choice._  
  
Red letters scrawled in elegant script, dripping red blood to the expensive green carpet on the floor.  
  
On the table beside the bed lay two pieces of parchment. In Narcissa's elegant scrawl, one was addressed to Draco, the other to Lucius. With trembling fingers, Lucius handed one to his son before breaking the seal to his own letter.  
  
_Dear Lucius, _

_What more can I say to you other than 'I understand'. What remorse can you feel for me who you stopped loving when I produced your heir? What regret can you bring yourself to feel for the times that you tortured your son when he still follows you so willingly? I loved you Lucius, hell, I still love you against my will. But you betrayed me and I realize it now. Too late to save my dead cousin, but still I see it. The death of Sirius, whether or not I denied any relation to him before, haunts me. I wish for me to have been in his place. I wish to spit at your feet, at the feet of your fucking Lord. Had I known the love of my life would turn out to be a whore of the Dark Lord I would never have married you. You need not follow me Lucius, I understand. You disgust me as much as I disgust you. But forgive me when I say that for all you've done to drive me away, I still love you. _

_Narcissa  
_  
The white parchment dropped from his fingers before Lucius sank disbelievingly on the silk bedsheets. Shutting his eyes, he tried to will the pain, the heartbreak away. Narcissa was gone. Forever. What had he done? After seeing his father's reaction, Draco feared opening his letter, but he did. His already pale face paled when he read:  
  
_Dear Draco, _

_When I told you yesterday to give me time, I had already made my choice and you had already made yours. When I married your father, we performed the Blood Curse along with the Binding Spell, making me as much of a blood Malfoy as you are. I chose to be loyal to him and his master, although I did not know he served Voldemort until after the wedding. Did he never tell you what your lords wedding present was to him Draco? It was a fuck. I suppose he thought it would be fun for me see my newly wed whither in pleasure underneath someone else. I do not tell you this for your pity, my son. There was a time when I loved your father, when I made him, a Malfoy smile for the world to see. There was a time when he looked at me with nothing but love and adoration in his eyes. I'm sure you are wincing at this point. I faintly remember that rule #4 states that Malfoys will show no emotion and that rule #6 says love in weak. With is the reason I suppose that he pushed me away after your birth. Why he raised you with such cruelty and punishment. But now Draco, do you not remember your mother? The woman who held you close after while you cries after a beating, the mother who tucked you in, healed your bruises, sang you to sleep? Is this how you repay her? How can you now watch with no trace of anger as the monster you serve tortures her? Yes serve my son. I am only doing my duty as a Malfoy, fulfilling what you and Lucius could and would not. Does rule #1 not clearly state that a Malfoy bows to no one? And now my own son is a mudbloods whore. Did I raise my son to be coward? I should hope not, I should hope that was all Lucius' doing. I loved you and Lucius beyond anything, and still do. Love is weak only to those who are weak. I will leave you now because I cannot stand the guilt of the death of my dear cousin, forever will his memory be guarded by me through my pain and darkness. There is only one person I trust in this world left alive. Forgive me. _

_Your mother.  
  
_Draco choked, his mother's words echoed in his thoughts. He closed his eyes to keep the tears from falling down his face.  
  
Meanwhile I was on my way under an invisibility cloak (Lucius USED to spoil me) to the only person I trusted in this world, Harry Potter, son of Lily Evans


	3. chapter 3

_A/N the song lyrics are by Michelle Branch and here we go......_

**_Chapter 3-Lucius' POV_**

I was in shock as I left the sitting room having just been tortured after telling my lord of my wife's disappearance. The Dark Lord had not been happy. He had been counting on Narcissa to supports his cause but she escaped with valuable information. I had always watched as he admired my wife's elvish beauty although I never thought he would do anything about it. It seems I was wrong and that in itself angers me. Alternating with series of curses, he told me how he had tried to seduce her, but Narcissa made it hard.

She was a true Slytherin, that I had always known. She possessed cunning and a sly manner that could get her almost anything she ever wanted. She played everyone into her hand, including Voldemort he tells me. She sucked information out of him, his plans, ambitions and beliefs. And then she escaped.

When I first joined Voldemort in my 7th year, I believed in his values and followed his beliefs. Mudbloods were a threat to the Wizarding World as a whole. Purebloods held a certain power in their hands, blood magic, and it was not to be messed with. Wandless magic, purebloods are extremely powerful without their wands. When schools started giving magical educations to muggleborn wizards and witches, pureblood wizards were brought into contact with them and breed.

The results? The magical blood was diluted and the heirs were less powerful. Indeed they were very weak. Muggleborns can memorize spells and wave a wand but when it comes down to it, they are pitiful without their stick of wood. If we keep allowing Muggleborns in the Wizarding World will suffer. But as I said, now my beliefs stray from those of Voldemort. He turned to a monster with a desire to take over the world and a desire to kill everyone who opposes him. And that I don't agree with. But I keep with it anyway, seeing no way out and only self-preservation.

How could I have neglected to notice Narcissa's suffering? Here I thought the world was between the grasp of my fingers and I slipped. I don't deny that when Narcissa was tortured something deep inside of me was touched and the anger at myself began to stir within me. Narcissa's letter left me pale as death even after Draco stormed out of her room.

_It's been a long, long time since I looked _

_Into the mirror I guess that _

_I was blind _

_Now my reflection's getting clearer _

_Now that you're gone _

_Things will never be the same again _

A rush of doubt rushed through me then, what had I done? I knew she would not be coming back to me. Her pale deathly beauty would never grace the Manor again; she would not lie on the cool red silk sheets next to me tonight.

_There's not a minute that goes by every _

_Hour of the day _

_You're such a part of me _

_But I just pulled away... _

_I wish I said the words _

_I never showed _

Her words haunted my faltering footsteps, _You need not follow me Lucius, I understand. You disgust me as much as I disgust you. _You see, she doesn't disgust me, not at all. I still love her deep down. But I've been taught never to love.

_I know you had to go away _

_I died just a little, and I feel it now _

_You're the one I need _

_I believe that I would cry just a little _

_Just to have you back now _

_Here with me _

_Here with me _

_I never will forget that look upon _

_Your face _

_How you turned away and left _

_Without a trace _

_But I understand you did what you _

_Had to do _

_And I thank you _

_Here with me_

Narcissa was my life at Hogwarts, she was my light, my hope. She was gentle, kind and according to father, the perfect match for me, beautiful, pureblood, powerful, but not more than me. I was never supposed to love her, she was to be my wife not my lover, but I did anyway. And I paid dearly for it. I was tortured at the hands of my father and Lord Voldemort, made to swear loyalty to them and whore myself. I admit not once did I think of refusing their demands or of defying them. They had power, and I craved power more than I craved Narcissa, or so I thought.  
  
_You know that silence is loud when all_

_You hear is your heart... _

_And I'm asking _

_And I'm wanting you to come back to me _

_Please?_  
  
A Malfoy never begs, but I've disgraced my name enough to hardly care anymore. No more thoughts of Voldemort or of Death Eater meetings, I need to find Narcissa though she does not want to see me. And for that I need Draco. Surely she would have put more trust into her son than the man that betrayed her.


	4. chapter 4

_A/N-sorry its soooooooo short, and really very crappy. pouts, forgive me. i'm felling sad, and i guess this isn't really the fic to cheer me up need to read!!!!._

**_Chapter 4-Narcissa's POV_**

The halls of the castle are dark as I slip through the entrance to Hogwarts wrapped in an invisibility cloak. It must be 5 in the morning and the school looks deserted.

Its been almost 25 years since I last stepped foot in here and everything is like I remember it, except for...I can't hear Lucius laughing, can't feel his breath on my cheeks. I don't see Lily's fiery red hair flying and Sirius' flirty blue eyes.

Now is not the time for memories, I must find a way to see Harry. I was always quite fond of the Fat Lady who guards the enterence to the Griffindor Common Rooms, much to the amusement of Lily. We had some quite interesting conversation together. It seemed she shared the same disgust with the Griffindors' lack of manners. Always had some complaint about their uncivilzed attitude and we would spend many an afternoon gossiping. In fact it earned me quite my share of glares from passing residents.

Fortunatly, after living with Slytherins all my life, I've grown quite imune to pathetic Griffindor glares. But, I'm afraid Harry has Lily's temper afterall. And I shiver, remembering her shouts as she chased Sirius and James through the halls for turning her hair blue.

Yes, I decided, the Fat Lady would let me in with a little of the charm. Hmm...maybe I SHOULD start calling her by her first name. Afterall, the Fat lady is sort of an isulting name for a loyal conversation compainion. I'll think on that later, I decided before proding her awake. She grumbled loudly.

Well, here goes nothing I guess, if he won't help me I don't know who will. I meant it when I said he was the only person in this world left that I trusted.


	5. Wandering

**_Chapter 5-Narcissa's POV_**

All right I'm in the portrait door for what that's worth. The Gryffindor common room is full of dark objects looming around me. Somehow, the forms of the furniture remind me slightly of Dementors. I shiver slightly. I always knew I was weak. I always knew I would be nothing without the protection of the Black family name but do I honestly have to be afraid of the dark too?  
  
I don't know what I was thinking when I thought I could get away from the protection of the Dark Lord. It was something I got used to after a while, the way the Lord guarded me, protected me for all I was worth. It was the one thing that proved him human...his love for me. Lucius and Bellatrix could be is fuck slaves whenever he wanted but me, he loved. He would do anything for me to love him in return. Funny how I still believe that love can be strong when it proved to be his weakness. He leaked such valuable information to me, blindly for a simple kiss. He trusted ME so easily and it gave me a huge advantage. He seeked me when he needed help and me when he needed comforting and I gave it to him. But for a price.  
  
Severus was not the only one with duel loyalties, yes I know he's spy but who for? You can't spy on one side without seeming at least a little suspicious to the other. No, Severus does not hold much respect in the Dark Lord's mind. But I do and a true Slytherin uses any kind of power given to them.  
  
Goodness, these stairs are steep! Let's see, 4th years girls, 5th years, humm, there we are 6th years Gryffindor boys. The door creaks as I enter and glide towards the first four poster and gently open the curtain.  
  
A sandy haired head snored peacefully, his mouth open disgustingly wide in his sleep. Longbottom.  
  
I remember his parents. Foolish Gryffindors, only worthy of Huffflepuff's name, but I pity him against my will. I must remember to pay my respects to Alice later. She was a fool, but she did not deserve her condition. It seems only necessary to pay my respects to a pureblood harmed by my own blood. Funny, how this war lead to the deaths of so many purebloods as well as mudbloods. Surely that was not the purpose for which it was started?  
  
The next curtain reveals a huge redheaded lump. Weasley. My lip curls in disgust. He, I have no respect for whatsoever.  
  
Finally I see Harry's messy raven hair behind the next curtain. He looks so innocent in his sleep, like he's still a small child. I don't want to wake him but I do anyway.  
  
"Pssst! Harry wake up!" Oh Merlin, this is the first time I've spoken in days.

"Harry! Wake up please!" This time I say it a little louder. _What will I do if he doesn't wake up?_

He starts to stir and opens his eyes slightly. He seems to be a light sleeper. Draco would never have woken that fast. He rubs his eyes groggily and I try to smile gently but I'm shaking inside.

_ What if he doesn't believe me?_ He takes my face in for a second through his emerald eyes and I open my mouth to say something. But before a make a sound a wand is pointed at my throat.


	6. Awakenings

Harry, no please! Listen to me!" _I'm begging! What has become of me? _

But he's not going to listen. He snarls. _Oh God, he looks like Lucius when he does that._

"Who gave you the right to call me Harry?" He asks, one eyebrow lifting in a somewhat threatening way.

"N-no one Harry. Please I need your help!" I meet his flashing emerald eyes with the courage worthy of a Gryffindor.

I move my hand towards my robe pocket and his wand jabs into my throat.

"No! Here take my wand. I'm not going to do anything to you."

He looks strait into my eyes before cautiously slipping his hand into my pocket and retrieving my wand and I relax.

So indeed I'm still the Slytherin here. No Slytherin would have been that trusting.

"I need your help." I begin again.

"Why should I help you?"

_Hmm, that IS a good question, but I have a good answer to it._

" Think about it Harry. Look at my connections and what I can give if you have me on your side. I could give you so much information. But I seek your protection. I need to be hidden Harry! I'm on the run."

"From what?? Surely the ministry hasn't-"

"No! Not the ministry! The Death Eaters...Voldemort" A single tear escapes my eyes and flows down my nose falling into my open mouth.

"Harry...its Draco...and Lucius." My voice is but a whisper now, a trembling whisper.

"Why?" He asks, ever so curious.

"It was too much. The things my son, MY ONLY SON did. I couldn't stand it any longer. I ran away Harry. I can't be a Malfoy anymore."

With a sigh I collapsed into helpless tears, my final statement finally sinking into my own heart. My body shook with wretched sobs and I knelt beside my godson's bed feeling his wand slip to his side helplessly.

Without warning I felt two strong arms wrap around my weak body and hand running through my hair bringing my face to bury into his chest. "

I don't trust you now but if you give me a reason to trust you, I'll help you." He whispers in my ear pulling me against him.

"I'll take Vernasium (A/N how do you spell that anyway?) But Harry, please, don't tell anyone where I am not even Dumbledore. I can't trust anyone but you. You will help me?"

He nodded slowly, but apparently still didn't understand as he continued, "I'll go get Snape now"

"NO!" He backs away startled. Maybe I said that a little too harshly.

"No Harry, you can't tell him. You don't understand. He'll tell Lucius and V- Voldermort."

"Dumbledore trusts him"

"Dumbledore's a fool then. Please just listen to me. I can't trust Severus with my life."

"ALRIGHT, alright! Then what will you have me do!?"

" I-I don't know. I never really thought this far."

"Why don't you start by explaining this whole thing to me? Why now? I mean you've sided with Voldemort your entire life. Why run now?"

"I was 14 at the time the Dark Lord gained full power, when he started recruiting wizards. From the very beginning my family sympathized with his beliefs because they are in fact based on the truth. Purebloods are superior in magical power to muggle borns Harry. But the way he went about his plans very a different case altogether. What use is it to kill everyone in the world. When all muggles and mudbloods are gone, you then do you have power over?"

"Don't use that world!" he spat. Hmm, that was a bit more violent of a reaction than I expected, but then Draco did say once that...Draco...Draco....

"Alright." I managed to choke out. Continuing...

"I never chose the Dark Lord Harry. I was never marked. If I chose him it was only through Lucius."

Lifting the left sleeve of my robe, I reveled my flawless pale forearm to him and he traces it thoughtfully.

"What stopped you?"

_Ah, the fun part!_ "Why Harry it would ruin my beautiful skin! Imagine such a disgusting mark! The Dark Lord has no style whatsoever. And I couldn't possibly mange wearing long sleeves my whole life now could I?"

He doesn't quite mange to hide his smile from me as he looks at me seriously. "Is that your only reason?"

"Well no, not really. It was your mother, Lily. She was my best friend at Hogwarts. She wasn't a Griffindor but a Ravenclaw, I don't know if you knew that. She was beautiful, trusting, and the most caring girl I ever knew. She taught me to be gentle and she showed great loyalty even when it seemed the darkness of war surrounded us from all sides. I could not fight against her Harry, we promised each other that we would never meet in battle." I paused before continuing.

"And then she married James and everything seemed lost to me. She joined the Order and I was now married into the Death Eaters. I felt she had broken our bond, I reasoned that if we meet again she would not hesitate in killing me by association with her enemy. I was foolish and felt she had betrayed my trust, but Harry...I LOVED Lucius. Even now I can't believe I've left him."

"You actually loved him!?!? And here I was believing that it was all an arranged marriage!"

"No, not at all Harry."

"Why do you keep calling me Harry? You don't even know me."

"I'm not sure if I should be telling you this now but, I'm your godmother Harry."


	7. Discussions

_**Chapter 7**_

_****_

His face screwed up in confusion, anger.... and betrayal?

"So if I was your godson, why didn't I know of this before? Where were you all these years?" He practically screams.

"Harry, please, be quiet before you wake everyone!" I say frantically.

"I don't give a bloody damn if I wake anyone! I get it now! You're only coming to me when you need help! Where were you when I was alone and suffering? Where were you when I needed help?"

"I-Harry, please, listen to me-"

"Where were you when Sirius died? Your cousin! I bet you were laughing at your precious manor with your fucking son!"

_Now that's enough! I'm nothing like Bellatrix!_

"SHUT UP! Don't talk about things you don't understand Potter!"_ There, that shocked him into silence,_ I thought with some satisfaction._ It was always hard to control Lily's temper, but Harry's is even worse._

"Now tell me, who alerted the Order of the danger Sirius was in, who begged Dumbledore to teach you Occumlency, who forced Kretcher to go back to Headquarters before he leaked any other information? Who sat at the back of the meeting as Bellatrix cackled with glee at the death of our only cousin? Who was forced to watch as her only son whored himself to a half-blood?"  
  
"It was you who alerted the Order?"

I swear he only hears the first thing I say. Fucking Griffindor one-track minds...it'll be the end of him if it isn't trained out of him soon.

"Yes! Merlin yes!! I wanted to run to you, to teach you myself...repay my dept to Lily and to you for leaving you with those wretched Muggles. But I could not expose myself; I even had to write the warning letter anonymously! And then that bastard doesn't even teach you to block your mind right! No 15-year old can learn like that! I swear when I get my hands on him next time, he'll wish he'd never been born!"  
  
"How do you know about Snape??"

_Now that is an insult to my intelligence! By Salazar!_

"I am observant you know!" I snapped before softening my voice. "He isn't loyal to the Order though either. Cares for nothing but himself." I paused pondering. "But that's more than you can say for my husband," I spat more bitterly.  
  
"What happened??"  
  
_Haven't I said this before?? I swear on Sirius' death I did just a few minutes ago._ "I heard Lucius moan as my son got himself fucked by Voldemort."

"What?" Merlin how oblivious can you get?

"No shit."

"Draco?" Harry croaks. He get this odd pained looks on his face that even I cannot determine. I thought they were arch-enemies. Surely he should not be all that badly affected by Draco's fate?

'"No shit Harry." I answer again. "What other son do I have?" The pain is still to real than to control my anger at the world at the moment.

"Sorry." He mutters half to himself and turns to stare out the dormitory window at the forest and the full moon overhead. I almost think he's has forgotten about me when he's jerked out of his thoughts by the cry of a werewolf.

He faces me, half his face hidden in the shadows. "Well let's get you hidden before dawn. Any ideas where you can go?" He says.


	8. Darkenings

**_Chapter 8-Lucius' P.O.V_**

Two more days until Draco leaves for Hogwarts again, and this year there is no Narcissa shattering him with sweets and hugs. He always used to push her away, but I know he misses the loving. I often see him stare into space at dinnertime and whenever I walk into his room, he is sitting on the silk, embroidered sheets staring at a dark corner in the room.

My heart feels as though it has been torn out, and replaced with a cold block of ice. It's chilling and I often wake up in the night, shivering, to wander the halls of the Manor to no ends with the dark moonlit sky hovering over my head but offering no comfort to my restless sout.

It's the same dark sky Narcisa's under at this moment...that is...I hope . I don't want to think of the other possilities. I don't want to think that she could be dead. Or to think that she may not be alone looking at the stars overhead. I can do nothing, it's not a feeling I'm used to a lot. For once in my life, I feel completely helpless. I'm sinking in a whirlwind of darkness, my knees sinking in mud and there is no way out. I'm wretched, dirty, a failure...everything is fading into black. I've fallen too far into the Dark Arts to return. And I remember her voice:  
  
_"When all the dark walls of your life close in around you Lucius, I will be there still..."_  
  
But she's nowhere to be seen. And every crack of light is slowly dissapearing.  
  
_There can't be another man for Narcissa_  
  
**_Ah but Narcissa has every right to ditch you. You're unworthy of even a tenth of her heart_**.  
  
"No please there can't be anmother man..." this time I'm begging the air...and a voice answers.  
  
"Why the hell do you care now Father?" I looked up startled into the wide silver eyes of my son, perfectly matched by the moonlight.

"Wha-" I try to answer, dumbfounded.

"I said, why the hell do you care?Have you ever cared before?"

"Of course I have!"

"Then for once in you miserable life, show it!" _Now that's enough! My son will not speak to me that way!  
  
_"Have you Drcao? Have you ever shown her love? Haven't you always pushed her away?" I snapped.

"I'm not her husband," he snapped back, eyes flashing, getting defensive with me.

"No," I sighed, "You're just her son Draco."

_And that should mean everything..._

_A/N tere you go! chapter 8 done!! I hope you like it! Lucius and Drcao are being selfish bitches but I think there's still hope left. although I'm beginning to see thatI just might have to kill off Lucius for him to be forgiven. Maybe he can sacrifice himself to save Narcissa or something (like Lily and Harry)...I dunno...tell me what you think anyways._


	9. chapter 9

_**Chapter 9**_

"The Black Manor passes south from here. It's unused at the moment and protected with a wide variety of security wards. However it's in your possession at the moment. It was part of Sirius' estates that he left to you when he died."

"There's a Black Manor?" _Now what did I say about oblivious Gryffindors again?_

"Of course! You didn't think the Blacks were any less rich that the Malfoys did you?"

But his confusion at the mention of the Black Manor worries me. Shouldn't he have known of it before? It was in Sirius' will afterall. On the other hand, if he hasn't seen Sirius' will then he wouldn't have known. I doubt very much that Sirius liked to talk about his family. Hmmm, I wonder if he knows about the Potter Manor... His voice startles me from inquiring.

"Oh. Well why didn't you go there in the first place? Why did you come to me then?"

"Harry, you own the place. I can't very well barge in there. Besides, I had no idea if Sirius had told the Order of its existence. I've betrayed too many people as it is too take that risk."

"Right. Well, lets get you there alright?" He stands now and pulls a shimmering invisibility cloak from under his bed.

I look at him in confusion and he answers me. "It might be better if we go together," he says, "So we don't lose each other. Besides, I have no idea how to get to this manor, even if it is mine." His eyes are twinkling with mischief, but his lips are pressed into a thin line.  
  
But I just laughed.

"Harry, I'm honored that you want to come with me, but I, unlike you, do know where I'm going."

He blushes a sweet pink and asks again, "Then why did you come?"

"I needed to make sure you'd cover my back."

"Oh." He looks oddly disappointed, as if I'd just snatched his favorite candy from under his nose. Which is funny, seeing how he just met me.

"I'll come back and see you soon. You need magical training. I doubt Dumbledore would be of much help in preparing you for battle. And I'll pass along any useful information I can get my hands on."

He doesn't protest my not-so-complementary comment on the Headmaster.

"Alright." He finally concedes, resting his hands on the wooden bed frame.

"Good." I reply, tracing his jawline with a cold finger before kissing him lightly on the cheek. He blushes deep red. "And thank you Harry."

I give his hand a light squeeze before letting myself be enfolded into my shimmering cloak.

_A/N- there you go! sorry it's so short. i hate trouble with this one. i'm just not in my writting mood and i've been reviewing the previous chapters._


End file.
